Singing Cats

When I spend a lot of time alone, I personally believe that the US and the Iraq that I get really funny. I sit there and think of all these hilarious situations or do things that crack me up or talk in the funniest voice in the world.

To the outside world I suppose I would appear to be insane.

The past few days I’ve seen a spike in being at home alone, which means I’ve also seen a spike in my overall comedy level. Here’s something that has come from that:

Last night my sister was complaining that her cat doesn’t love her anymore, and I said, “No, Ashley, that’s not true. She’s been singing to you alllllllllll day.”

Then I went through the iTunes singles chart and played samples of what the cat had been singing to Ashley–anything from Uptown Funk to Thinking Out Loud to Sugar, all of which obviously proved how much the cat still loved Ashley.

That little situation in itself was hilarious to me (and minimum amusing to spectators in the kitchen), but this morning I caught the cat in the act. A lot. And by caught the cat in the act I mean I recorded the cat sleeping while playing songs from my laptop.

How am I so funny!? The world may never know!

(Full disclosure, I have upwards of 4-5 minutes of cat-singing video on my phone.)

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Besd freeends

I love unintended grammar errors.

Well, sometimes.

If I make an error, it’s not usually funny. When I’m reading published material and I see mistakes, no thank you.

But when I see errors in graffiti, for instance, that is hilarious.

On a trip to Jogjakarta, Indonesia a couple years ago, I found my favorite graffiti ever. The reason for this is that it was done by (I’m assuming) rebellious tweens who knew only a little bit of English.

I hope you enjoy them as much as I did, but you probably won’t because I think weird things are funny.

(It might be funnier if you read them out loud to yourself.)

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“Besd Freend”

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“bestplend Forever”

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“Tita is my best”

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“I WILL BE SIDE YOU NOW AND4-EVER”

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“Taylor Swift is ME”

The last makes me so happy because 1) it’s hilarious 2) I think they were trying to say “Taylor Swift was here.”

Sorry if you didn’t laugh.

Caviar you kidding me right now?

One time I was enjoying a nice walk on a beautiful winter day in Sydney, Australia, when I came across this horror:

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I don’t want to seem dramatic, but this is the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen and it ruined my vacation and when I just rediscovered this photo it ruined my entire 2015.

Please join me in being outraged by this photo. Let’s get it trending.

Self-revelations

Over the past month I’ve realized several things about myself. Things which I’m going to process through real quick for your reading enjoyment.

Don’t touch me softly

I’ve long been a fan of minimal physical contact. With everyone. Family, customers, friends, neighbors, strangers, athletes, fictional characters, nonfictional characters–it doesn’t matter, don’t touch me.

However, sometimes when people touch me it doesn’t bother me as much. Come up behind me and give me a brief, sort-of painful shoulder rub? I actually don’t mind. Firmly pat me on the back as you walk by? Meh, sure whatever. Caress my arm and say it’s good to see me? No.

What (I think) I realized is that if you touch me softly, I will hate it. If you are firm about it, it might not ruin my day.

I’m so urban

Sure, I grew up in Hillsboro. Yes, Portland does intimidate me still a little bit. And also yes, Portland is not that urban. But still I’m showing great signs of improvement:

  • I don’t get (as) stressed when I have to drive around Portland anymore.
  • Parallel parking on fleek rn.
  • I know where 20-25% of the restaurants, coffee shops, and bars are in Portland.
  • I only get lost 10% of the time while driving in Portland.
  • Sometimes I don’t have to use GPS!
  • My clothes don’t give off as many basic suburban vibes.

My social interaction limit is still mysterious to me

I know I’m an introvert. I know I need alone time to recharge. But what I never realize is when I need to escape a social situation to recharge.

All of a sudden my social gas tank will be empty and I will shut down and not understand why. Some of my close friends can recognize the symptoms and maybe guess what is going on, but I never can.

For example, the other night was a work party. It was really fun, there was bowling (ew), music, pizza, and… okay I was really most excited about the pizza. Anyway, it was really fun, and the party was still going strong, but all of a sudden, I found myself sitting down, zoning out, and realizing how much I wanted to go home.

So, I stood up, walked out the door, got into my car and drove off, without saying a thing to anyone. No goodbyes. No nothing. (Actually I did get a piece of pizza in a to-go box on my way out.)

It wasn’t until the next morning where I replayed the scene in my head and realized how hard I hit that social wall.

Every. Single. Time.

I have recovered from my chronic need for cupcakes

For a span of 8-10 months last year, I constantly wanted a cupcake. Always. And I didn’t know why. I would just be sitting there, minding my own business and then CUPCAKE I NEED A CUPCAKE PLZ HELP.

That was a weird stage of life and I’m happy to say I’ve recovered.